I used to LOVE to look at myself in the mirror as a child. For that matter, any window or reflective surface would do the trick. My family can attest to the fact that I couldn’t even carry on a conversation without a mirror in the background so I could analyze myself while I talked. Even if I was angry or crying I liked to sneak a little peek at myself just to see how the tears were falling or what my mouth looked like in my fury and frustration.
I’m not really sure when it happened but sometime in my 30’s I stopped looking. I started avoiding mirrors and windows at all costs and the absolute worst – having my picture taken! Every once in a while I would catch a glimpse of myself and all I could see was that roll of fat or the double chin or the new wrinkles appearing beside my eyes.
I’ve tried to reflect back on what was going through my mind in my youth. I don t think it was purely vanity (although that was definitely a big part of it). I think it must have something to do with loving myself. I really loved everything about myself back then and as I got older, wrinklier, chubbier – I didn’t want to look anymore.
I am a mom of 3 young kids now and I often catch them staring lovingly at themselves in mirrors. They adore their own reflections and it got me thinking about my own transformation from a mirror lovin’ little girl to a grown woman who is afraid…and even a bit repulsed by her own image. This is definitely not the kind of example that I want to set for my children. I want to show them and me that I can actually face a mirror without cringing.
So I’ve decided that 2013 is going to be my year to start looking again. I’ve already got my Louise Hay sticky note posted on my bathroom mirror that reads “I accept myself unconditionally right now!” and I’m going to look myself in the eyes and say it first thing in the morning and before I go to bed every night. I want my kids to know that I’m not afraid to look at myself even with my faults and flaws.
And I’ve resolved that I’m going to look at a lot of things this year – my diet, my exercise, how much quality time I give to myself, my hubby, my kids, my family and my friends. I’m going to look at my work, my hobbies and my passions and I’m going to see what happens. Who knows – I might just be dancing and crying in front of a full length mirror by the end of the year.
Happy New Year! Here’s looking at you babe!