I used to LOVE to look at myself in the mirror as a child. For that matter, any window or reflective surface would do the trick. My family can attest to the fact that I couldn’t even carry on a conversation without a mirror in the background so I could analyze myself while I talked. Even if I was angry or crying I liked to sneak a little peek at myself just to see how the tears were falling or what my mouth looked like in my fury and frustration.
I’m not really sure when it happened but sometime in my 30’s I stopped looking. I started avoiding mirrors and windows at all costs and the absolute worst – having my picture taken! Every once in a while I would catch a glimpse of myself and all I could see was that roll of fat or the double chin or the new wrinkles appearing beside my eyes.
I’ve tried to reflect back on what was going through my mind in my youth. I don t think it was purely vanity (although that was definitely a big part of it). I think it must have something to do with loving myself. I really loved everything about myself back then and as I got older, wrinklier, chubbier – I didn’t want to look anymore.
I am a mom of 3 young kids now and I often catch them staring lovingly at themselves in mirrors. They adore their own reflections and it got me thinking about my own transformation from a mirror lovin’ little girl to a grown woman who is afraid…and even a bit repulsed by her own image. This is definitely not the kind of example that I want to set for my children. I want to show them and me that I can actually face a mirror without cringing.
So I’ve decided that 2013 is going to be my year to start looking again. I’ve already got my Louise Hay sticky note posted on my bathroom mirror that reads “I accept myself unconditionally right now!” and I’m going to look myself in the eyes and say it first thing in the morning and before I go to bed every night. I want my kids to know that I’m not afraid to look at myself even with my faults and flaws.
And I’ve resolved that I’m going to look at a lot of things this year – my diet, my exercise, how much quality time I give to myself, my hubby, my kids, my family and my friends. I’m going to look at my work, my hobbies and my passions and I’m going to see what happens. Who knows – I might just be dancing and crying in front of a full length mirror by the end of the year.
Happy New Year! Here’s looking at you babe!
12 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Look”
What a shock to hear that a yummy mummy like you has avoided mirrors and windows for so long. Embrace your hairline wrinkles and the extra few pounds as a part of your beautiful self…you are not alone!
Love, Light, Truth & Compassion. X
Adore this Lori…you describe a place where I have been in life as well so eloquently.
I’m looking forward to the blog Lori. First entry is great.
Thanks for sharing your blog Lori. Enjoyed it a lot…. I know the mirror message is about self acceptance, but if you ever need validation from elsewhere, check the person beside you in that mirror. Guarantee they will have a very happy face – inspired by just being with you… exactly as you are! Looking forward to your next posting!
What a wonderful venture you’ve taken on Lori! It is so easy for us moms to feel alone in our insecurities – thanks for reminding us that we can empathize with each other and reach out around us for support. I so look forward to reading your upcoming recipes and tips/tricks!
I have enjoyed reading your blog. You made a good decision starting it. You express yourself so well. Writing will give you a lot of satisfaction, and a lot of enjoyment to your readers.
Lori, I’m so proud of you for starting this blog. It is so interesting to hear you talk about avoiding mirrors when so many times I watch you from afar and recognize so much beauty in those gorgeous baby blues and your spirit. Looking forward to many more blogs from you although I will still continue to eat bacon 😉
Wow I am very impressed with your writing and style. I think what you are believing about yourself is very common for a mom of 3, but you really do look great. We all expect too much of ourselves, but it is important to feel good. Interested in how the vegan thing goes….yikes, not sure I could do that.
Sounds like a great way to start a year! Looking forward to more Lori…
Thanks P! I’d love to blog about you in the near future. I’ll send you a draft before I post anything.